


Chances: The blind side

by potslooshi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcoholism, Blind Character, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, Questionable Story line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 15:52:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17810945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potslooshi/pseuds/potslooshi
Summary: After losing his husband Jongin to a terrible accident, Kyungsoo is left alone in the darkness. Kai, who's drinking had gotten out of hand, realizes that the blind man is his ticket out of bankruptcy.Prompt #64 written for The Little Prince Fest, the bonus Valentines day round.





	1. The first phase

**Author's Note:**

> Loving Kyungsoo was easy. Losing him was easier.

 

Hospitals made him antsy. The last time he’d been to one was after one of those testosterone fuelled bar fights that Taemin kept dragging him into. The fucker had taken off after the first two punches, leaving him with a broken nose, bruised body and a small horde of aggrieved men.

He’d stopped at the front desk for directions, thoroughly taken aback when the mousy haired receptionist had squeaked loudly, her eyes filled with a sudden fear, as opposed to the appreciative looks he generally received. The initial response had him glancing at a mirror carefully. He looked the same. Better, even. Considering that he’d actually put in an effort to stand under the icy water of his battered shower head. Water heaters were expensive, and he was a little...short at the moment.

 

He scoffed a little at the dull gold placard fixed atop the door.  _Kim Junmyeon,. MD,_ _Trauma surgeon_

“Hello brother” he drawled, shutting the door behind him. Junmyeon looked up from the stack of papers in front of him.

“You dyed your hair?”

Kai ran a hand through his freshly colored hair. He’d thought the dirty blonde color made him look good, almost like one of those hip idols these days. Taemin had agreed, rushing to the parlor and getting his hair done a matching platinum. ‘Peas in a pod’ someone had said.

“Yeah” he shrugged, “It was a spur of the moment thing.”

Junmyeon shook his head, gesturing to a seat, his quiet mumble of “most things are, with you” lost, as Kai dragged the seat noisily and dropped himself on it.

“What was so important that couldn't wait till evening?” he said without further preamble. Extended conversations with Junmyeon often ended up in a long, one way discourse of how Kai had to get his life on track.

Junmyeon scrubbed his eyes, the thin skin under them baggy and red. “There has been an accident,” Kai sat up, almost giving himself a whiplash. Junmyeon waved his hand placatingly. “It isn't anyone we know.”

Kai sank back into his seat, eyeing his brother warily. Junmyeon looked, for lack of a better word; stressed, as he fidgeted away, gnawing at his lips, battering them even further. He was such a textbook liar, Kai could read the signals miles away. He raised an eyebrow, watching the older man until he met his eyes. Junmyeon drooped visibly, before reaching out to the file nearest to him.

“It was on the news… the route 65 crash. Two men.” Junmyeon trailed off, pushing the folder towards him.

The glossy sheet had a picture of a man on it. _He hardly looked 20_ , Kai thought; _pale, with bushy eyebrows and an expression that looked, well, severe;_ reading through the type size that was a little too small for comfort. Junmyeon didn't let him finish.

“That's Doh Kyungsoo, aged 28.” _Doh Kyungsoo._

“He was brought to the hospital sustaining severe injuries to his head, along with his husband, Kim Jongin.” Junmyeon paused, almost like he was searching Kai’s face for the slightest change in bearings.

Kai shrugged. “Doesn't ring a bell.”

The older man closed his eyes for a second before turning the page and pushing the folder back at him.

Kai stared. The picture in front of him was… him. Well, him, if this was some sort of cosmic joke. The man in the picture had dark brown, soft looking hair, a little tousled, like he had been out in the wind. His lips were curved up into an easy smile, eyes crinkled up with the effort.

Kai hadn’t had that hair since college. He was positive that he never smiled that way anymore. Warm and adoring. He pushed the file away.

“Good joke hyung.”

Junmyeon was gaping at him. “I’m not- this isn't a joke,” he stuttered in disbelief. Kai snorted. It sounded weak to his own ears. He stood up, tapping his brother’s desk. “You owe me lunch for all this trouble.”

“He’s dead, Kai.”

That stopped him.

“He died three days ago.”

Kai shook his head. “This isn't funny anymore, hyung. What do you want do you want me to do? Play dress up and be the husband?”

Junmyeon laughed weakly. “Yes. That's what I-”

Kai laughed once. Icy and clear. “I’m out of here. You’ve a twisted sense of humor, hyung.”

Junmyeon looked like he was on the verge of tears. Maybe it was the pent up frustration, or the wee hours. His brother had always been transparent with his emotions, laying them out stark naked for the mockery. It was pathetic.

“Kai, listen to me, will you?”

The door was two steps away. One step away.

“Kai-”

He was out, footsteps echoing against the cool marble as he tried to remember where he’d come from.

He could hear Junmyeon call out to him, his voice skirting around hysteric. Kai needed to get out. A beer sounded good right about now.

 

“They’re offering money.”

 

That stopped him. The shame was concealed. Contagious. The money would make it all worthwhile.

 

* * *

 

 

He could feel three pairs of eyes boring into his skin. Junmyeon was the first to look away.

“Mr. and Mrs. Doh, this is my brother… Kai.”

Mrs. Doh gasped, the hand that wasn't gripping her husband’s arm clutching at the opalescent pearls around her neck. “He looks so much like… like Jongin.” Her husband winced as her grip grew tighter, his eyes never once leaving Kai’s face. “I thought you were jesting, Doctor Kim.”

Junmyeon shook his head, looking somewhat miffed. Mrs. Doh straightened up in her seat, looking at Kai with a renewed interest of someone watching a circus act. “Has he agreed to our terms, Doctor Kim?”

Kai snorted, watching the pompous old woman hesitate as his lips curled back in disdain.

“Kyungsoo woke up from his induced coma this morning-” Junmyeon was throwing him _the_ look. “He woke up with complete retinal detachment.” Kai searched his brain for something that sounded similar, only to come back with nothing. He shrugged.

“He’s blind, Kai.”

The cramped cabin fell silent. Kai was bursting with questions, only to be shut down by a wary Junmyeon, even before he could open his mouth.

“The loss of vision paired with the death of his husband could set him back months, years even.”

The loophole glistened scornfully. “So you want me to play the dead guy forever?” Kai laughed weakly. The idea was getting preposterous by the minute.

“He is scheduled for a surgery in two months, Kai. The trauma of the loss could make him mentally unfit to undergo a surgery…” Junmyeon trailed off.

 

There was always a scapegoat for this like things. Kai had been alive long enough to know that. Only this time it wasn't him.

“What then? What happens when he gets his vision back and sees that you hired someone to play his lover? To touch him and take him to bed? What happens when he knows you fucking lied to his face?” he snarled, eyes flashing with unbridled rage as he bore down on the older couple.

 

It was Mr. Doh who spoke. Kai was beginning to wonder if the man even spoke at all.

“We were planning to migrate. Take him abroad. End the marriage legally. He will never know this happened. Please, it's a father’s plea.” he looked ready to cup his hand and beg to Kai in prayer.

“You are pathetic excuses for parents.” he spat. He turned to Junmyeon. Quiet, poised Junmyeon who’d always take care of him.

“So until then.”

“Until then.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Do doppelgangers really exist?”_

_“1 in 135th of a chance that a person completely identical to you exists.”_

_“There are 7 out of the 7 billion people, who look exactly like you.”_

 

Kai closed the tab with a roll of his eyes, before pushing the newspapers on the stained glass table, and throwing his legs over it. So far he’d found no explanation that even came close to sounding logical. Junmyeon had excused himself for a shift leaving him with the Doh’s. He left the room when the grimy silence had started to tick him off.

Leaning back in his seat, he watched a staff fill her bottle of Perrier from the cooler, a winning smirk already plastered on his face. The girl blushed, the water overflowing as she hurried to turn it off. A pointed cough brought him back.

 “Doctor Kim has allowed visitors.” Mrs. Doh eyed the girl by the cooler, who scampered off, before turning to Kai.

Kai rearranged his legs on the table. “And?”

An exasperated sigh. “You’re allowed to come see my son.”

He laughed. “I’m allowed? You don't have a chance. I can do whatever I want with your son, and you wouldn’t raise a finger now, would you?” He was almost purring.

The older woman had splotches of red now dotting her neck and face. She turned and walked away, spitting a ‘ _filth_ ’ in his direction.

He was used to it. People like him were filth, compared to the fluted crystals and sparkling wine that people like the Doh’s were used to. People made of evergreen money.

 

Doh Kyungsoo’s room was on the quieter side of the hospital, the spotless windows throwing brilliant orange light into the small room, illuminating with it, a man lying motionless on the bed.

 _Doh Kyungsoo._ He was paler than the picture had suggested, tubes running from his nose and mouth, a large sealing bruise on his forehead. Mrs. Doh was hunched over him, whispering something as she stroked an injured arm. Definitely awake then. No true love’s kiss need here, Kai thought, watching as the man jerked his fingers once as though trying to reach fruitlessly toward something. Mrs. Doh gestured to Kai, nodding her head, the subtle disgust almost impalpable.

 His eyes were… pretty, he thought as he neared the bed. The kind that would look magnificent on a woman. Big and expressive. These dark chocolate irises were hovering, fixed somewhere on the ceiling, with the expression of someone who’d been suddenly plunged into complete darkness.

Kai reached out and touched the lonely hand that lay on the scratchy blanket. The response was immediate. Kyungsoo’s finger twitched, almost as if it had been brought to life, as it struggled to wrap around Kai’s palm. He covered the smaller hand with his own, watching as the man fell limp before-

“Jong…. Jong”

Kai jerked back, pulling his hand as he went. Kyungsoo rolled his head to the side, the feeding tubes clearly straining as he muttered the same words over and over, his fingers moving painfully, like they were searching for his lover. _Jongin._

 Mrs. Doh had turned away, dabbing away at her eyes behind a curtain. Her husband was looking at Kai with something akin to a prayer in his eyes. _Please_. It took quite the Herculean effort to put his hand on the injured man’s arm. Kyungsoo stilled once more, his irises flashing wildly.

“Jong…”

“It's… me.” he tried. It was the only words that strung together right.

The fingers beneath his froze. Almost like Kyungsoo knew that the voice was wrong. This wasn’t going to work. Junmyeon was wrong. Was the money worth this feat? He gently rubbed Kyungsoo’s arm in circular motions, flinching as the man touched his fingernails, along the blunt grooves where Kai had bitten them raw. Kyungsoo gently eased to the touch, his fingers still wrapped around the top of Kai’s hands. Almost like it were a lifeline.

 

Kai’s feet felt like lead as he dragged them out of the hospital at noon. The darkness bleed into the path that he walked. Nothing was worth this. Faces flashed behind his eyelids. One bruised, battered man, alive and alone. And one beautiful, golden man, dead and cold.

 

* * *

 

 

The address Mrs. Doh had given him was of a quaint little row of apartments to the south of town, the brick cladding and wrought iron windows speaking of a much younger, settled community. Kai rubbed his shoes on the edge of his jeans in a hasty effort to clean them up. He’d spent the entire night wondering if this was another one of those things that he shouldn’t put his head up in. By sunrise, the alcohol had gone, the room was frigid, and he was nowhere near an answer than he was the night before. By noon he’d gotten a message. An address and the six figure sum that now blinked away in his account, had been answer enough. The things people did for money.

 

Mrs. Doh opened the door for him, coiffed, her pearls glittering away on her neck. Kai bit his tongue to keep himself from scoffing. Three poodles sat on the couch, wearing identical black collars. He was allergic to dog fur, something he’d figured out from a one-time romp with Taemin’s beagle.

“That's Monggu, Jjanggu and Jjangah,” she pointed at the dogs. “They were Jongin’s”

This Jongin was beginning to sound like a fucking sap, he thought as he made his way to the couch. The largest poodle growled.

“Go on, pet them.”

Kai shrugged, straightening up as the dogs started to look a tad menacing. “I’m allergic, and they aren’t dumb enough to believe I’m him.”

Mrs. Doh sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. “We’ll have to deal with them, then. Look around the house. Don't take anything.” she muttered after a forethought.

“Ah, what’s yours is now mine, mother-in-law.” Kai mocked before walking away.

 

The kitchen was small, lined with little brown photo frames, mostly of Kyungsoo and Jongin, but a few with the same recurring group. A graduation with a drunk, giggly Jongin hanging onto Kyungsoo’s arm, a wedding with the two men in identical white suits, a red rose pressed behind Jongin’s ear, a vacation on a sandy beach, wearing matching shorts with dancing bears imprinted on them.

Kai stared at a picture of a tousle-haired Jongin, looking like he’d just woken up. He tried to find where the similarities ended and the differences began. Jongin looked healthier, his cheeks fuller than Kai’s, his smile a little brighter. Kai wondered if his eyes sparkled like that when he woke up… probably not. The fight eventually drained the life out of you.

 

“Holy fuck.”

The guy on the couch was tall, taller than Kai, with two of the dogs on his lap and a permanently etched grin that seemed to be steadily sliding off his face.

“Fuck.” he said again.

Kai draped himself on a chair near the door, eyeing the newcomer coolly.

The main looked back and forth between Kai and Mrs. Doh, mouth gaping like a fish out of the water, until- “Chanyeol, this is Kai,” she turned to Kai “-this is Kyungsoo’s best friend.”

“Fuck.”

Kai found it funny that Chanyeol wouldn't look him in the eye.

“You look… so much like him.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“What do you do?”

“Stuff.”

“Stuff like this?”

“No.” That got him to meet Kai’s eyes.

“Would you like to go somewhere else?”

 

 

“For the record, I don't support this.” Chanyeol waved his hands.

“Then why are you here.” Kai watched as the other’s face fell.

“They threw in words like post-trauma. Seemed like the right thing to do. If it helps get Kyungsoo’s sight back. You can’t blame his parents.”

“I do.” Kai said shortly. The Dohs were making a terrible mistake.

“Then why are you here?” Chanyeol shot back.

“I need the money.”

Chanyeol hummed softy, sipping his milk tea. “He’d never buy it. Kyungsoo’s smart. There’s no way he wouldn't see through this.” He winced at the choice of words.

“That's why I need your help.” Kai said. Chanyeol could get him through two months of living as a man he’d never seen before. The grim nod was answer enough.

 

* * *

 

 

“We went to college together,” They were back in Kyungsoo’s kitchen, standing by the line of frames. “Kyungsoo, Jongin, Sehun and I.” he pointed at a tall, picturesque boy in a picture. That was probably the said Sehun.

“I’d known Kyungsoo since middle school. He is just like he was back then, quiet and observant.” Chanyeol sounded fond. “Jongin was a year younger to us. He just… gravitated towards Kyungsoo, you know. They were both shy, quiet people.”

He pointed to the graduation picture closest to them. “Jongin was so clingy, and Kyungsoo who, never initiated skinship even if he was threatened to, allowed it. He like it even, even though he denied it vehemently.” Chanyeol chuckled.

“Love at first sight then. Figures.” Kai nodded. The textbook ending had evaded them.

“Nope,” Chanyeol popped the ‘p’, “Jongin dated around, usually girls. Kyungsoo did too. There was a time when no one could imagine them as anything but friends.”

He pointed to a picture of the two boys sitting in front of a stall, each holding a skewer of spicy rice cakes. Jongin looked flushed, beaming at the camera, while Kyungsoo was scowling at whoever was behind it.

“That was the day Kyungsoo had asked him out. We tagged along, of course. Kyungsoo was close to beating me up that day.” he trailed off, eyes looking suspiciously wet. Kai looked away. He wasn't any good at dealing with emotions, let alone from a 6 foot plus man telling him the story of his dead friend.

“Did anything change?” It was a useless diversion, but Kai would take the crumbs.

“Not really. Nobody was surprised, least of all them. They were very private, rarely letting people in on their affection.”

He turned another photo in Kai’s direction. “Jongin proposed to Kyungsoo two years after he’d graduated. He struggled to buy this house, worked overtime, took up a typing job after his work hours… Said this was his gift to Kyungsoo. His family wasn't as well-off as Kyungsoo’s, maybe it was to prove something to himself as well.” Chanyeol’s voice shook a little.

“They got married, adopted three dogs and used to read to the kids in the orphanage on the weekends. We used to tease them saying that they couldn’t possibly get any gayer.”

 

Kai looked back at the picture of Jongin, his hair tousled, serene as he lay between the sheets.

“Four years.”

Chanyeol looked at him, eyes blazing. “I will never meet two people more in love with each other.”

 

 

His landlord had reinstalled the heater, the air warm and toasty as he sat with his bottle of beer. ‘I will never meet two people more in love with each other.’ _In love with each other_. Jongin would never die. Not ever.

 

* * *

 

 

Kai was starting to abhor the hospital, the iodoform churning in the air. He’d avoided the Doh’s for a week, drinking himself into unconsciousness every night to ride the guilt away. Finally, Junmyeon had intervened, turning up at Kai’s apartment, yelling about how it wasn't just his life he was ruining. That had struck home. He now had one blind man’s life in the palm of his hand, waiting to be torn apart. So there he was, clutching one of Mrs. Doh’s precariously stuffed bento boxes; standing in front of Kyungsoo’s room second guessing himself for a moment longer before pushing the door open.

“Doctor Kim?”

 

Kai froze. He’d planned on leaving the food and wandering aimlessly through his visiting time.

The man on the bed was a far cry from the tattered person who had held Kai’s hand a week ago. The feeding tubes were gone, the ECG switched off and stacked away in a corner.

“Doctor-?”

“It's me.” He winced. That sounded harsher than he’d intended. Jongin used to sound… softer, quieter, so he’d been told. Apparently they spoke with starkly different inflections. He tried again. Kyungsoo eased up visibly on the sheets, the furrow between his brows smoothening as he turned to the source of sound.

 

“Jonginnie,” he breathed, the sigh washing over Kai in waves, “they took the tubes out yesterday. Mother said you’d come when I was sleeping.” The man smiled softly “Are you eating well?” he flattened his palm against the bed, almost like he wanted Kai to take it.

Kai placed his palm over the others, flinching at the cool wetness. Had he been feeding himself? He had. The Dohs had made sure of it. Kyungsoo was gently drawing circles over his thumb.

“I am.” He was doing a terrible job.

“Your fingernails?” Kyungsoo asked, a laugh bubbling through his dried throat. Kai watched as his sightless eyes crinkled up into half-moons; his lips curving into a heart, before the laughter broke into a violent cough.

He tilted Kyungsoo’s head upwards, rubbing his chest awkwardly until the coughing died away. “You shouldn’t…” Kai muttered, taking his hand away.

Sweaty fingers wound around his, holding them close to the bruised face. Kyungsoo traced the biggest one with Kai’s finger quietly, his eyes fluttering close with the touch. Kai let him, ignoring the churning in his stomach as his fingers pressed against the rough clots of skin, watching as Kyungsoo’s breaths evened out steadily until he fell asleep.

 

 

The room was pitch dark. Somewhere down the road a car alarm went off, the noise piercing and incessant. He shifted a little. The weight on his chest seemed to get heavier by the minute. If he squinted, he could make out the outline of Kyungsoo’s body nestled against his own, the gentle rise and fall doing little to soothe the bubbling guilt.

He’d brought Kyungsoo home earlier that day, helpless as the man fidgeted nervously, his fingers digging into the plush fabric. Jongin’s dogs where gone and Kai supposed he had Mrs. Doh to thank for that. Kyungsoo had curled up with his black poodle, petting it as the house grew quieter and quieter until all that was left was deafening white noise.

Kai had taken him to the bathroom, looking away as the clothes fell to the floor; the iniquity of the prospect scaring him. In any other circumstance, he would be looking. But not Kyungsoo. He wasn’t Kai’s to watch.

He supposed it was his fault, allowing Kyungsoo to inch closer to him after dinner. The misery in his sightless eyes tangible. But there he was, powerless, as the man curled up around him, his palms splayed on Kai’s chest.

He needed… liquid courage to get him through this. Maybe even Taemin. Kai reached out for his phone, feeling around on the side table for a bit. The possibility of Taemin knowing what to do was laughable, but Kai would take what he could get.

Kyungsoo sighed a little in his sleep, his breaths warming Kai’s neck. The gesture got him moving before he could think about it, shifting Kyungsoo gently away from him and soundlessly leaving the bed, pausing only to look at the pictures on the mantelpiece where pictures of a smiling Jongin stared back at him. Accusing.

 

He lay down on the couch, missing the warmth only a little, warm brown eyes clouding his vision. Kai didn’t fall asleep for a long, long time.

 

* * *

 

 

“You used to lie better than this.” Taemin said through a huge mouthful of his prawn noodles, spittle flying onto the table. Kai couldn’t complain over the extravagant choice of the restaurant; there was a significant sum in his bank that needed plundering.

He sighed. “I’m not lying.”

Taemin squinted at the picture of Jongin in front of him. “That brown looks good on you though,” Another bite of prawns. “The blonde makes you look trashy.”

“You grew up with me, asshole. When did I ever look like that?”

A shrug.

“How would you explain the money, then?” He was getting exasperated. Taemin wasn’t supposed to have been this difficult.

“I don’t know.” His friend thought for a bit. “Junmyeon came through I guess.”

Kai stood up to leave. “You’re paying for that yourself.”

Taemin stuffed another prawn into his mouth before grabbing Kai’s sleeve. “I can’t pay for all this.” He gestured to the fare on the table.

“I’m leaving Tae. I’ve got to get… home.” He trailed off, the desperation was setting in rapidly.

“Fine. I’ll listen. Let’s get out of this place though, I don’t like the looks I’ve been getting.” He stood up, making a show of dusting his jeans. “And for heaven’s sake, stop looking so dramatic. It makes me want to throw up.”

 

“So you’re his dead husband for two months?” Taemin’s beer was untouched. The light frown marring his face too sober for Kai’s taste.

“Mmm…”

“So when he gets his sight back, you pull an elaborate disappearing act?”

Kai downed the rest of his whiskey. “They tell him I left. That I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“They’ve been together for half a decade, Kai. You think that’s not going to destroy the guy?”

Kai set his glass down with some unnecessary force. “What the fuck was I supposed to do?”

“Not agreed?” Taemin sounded incredulous. “I thought you had more sense than this. Hell. I thought Junmyeon had more sense than this.”

“I needed the money, Tae.” He said quietly. “What would you have done?” He was met with silence.

 

His head spun a little as he blinked up at the lights in the foyer of Kyungsoo’s- no, _his_ building. Taemin had deemed him unfit to make the trip back himself and had dropped him back, not commenting on the picturesque neighborhood where Kai now lived.

He hadn’t gotten this drunk in a while, the weightlessness foreign but welcome. He pushed the door open praying that he would make it as far as the couch before he passed out.

“Jongin?”

Kai froze, searching wildly for the source of the sound. Kyungsoo was sitting on the couch, an arm on his crutches like he was just going to stand up. His eyes blinked up at the door, irises moving aimlessly.

“Jongin, is that you?”

His mouth felt like lead. Kyungsoo had probably stayed up waiting for him. He probably hadn’t eaten anything in a while; Kai had forgotten to mark the page with the takeaway’s number. He could picture Kyungsoo on the couch, fingers running uselessly across the pages, tired and hungry. Maybe he already hated Kai.  Maybe he had already seen through Kai, beating him at the same game. That would make everything easier in the end.

He moved closer to the couch, plopping himself on his knees in front of Kyungsoo.

“Have you eaten?”

“N-“ Kyungsoo paused, the slightest crease appearing between his brows. Kai fought the urge to smooth it down. “Have you been… drinking?” he sounded sad.

 Kai snorted, moving closer until he was inches away from the other’s face. “Yea. Why? Does your husband not drink?” He racked his brain for an answer himself, but came up with nothing.

 Kyungsoo flinched, angling his face away from Kai’s breath. Kai reached out, cupping his face in his palms. He pressed a finger to the corners of Kyungsoo’s eyes, marveling at the little intake of breath that followed. He was sane enough to know that none of this was his, but it was still wonderful to hold someone else’s life in his hand. He envied Jongin and his perfect life with Kyungsoo. Beautiful, beautiful Kyungsoo.

 He let his hands fall to his sides, feeling wasted while he watched Kyungsoo fumble for his walking stick, gently murmuring for him to stand. He let the blind man walk him to the bedroom, following his footsteps as if he were the sightless one.

In his haze, he registered Kyungsoo’s unsteady fingers pulling off his shoes, feeling around for the pillow and then gently moving Kai’s head onto it. He heard Kyungsoo trip on something as he made his way to the bathroom, the resound thud making Kai sit up, his head spinning with the action.

 “Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo,” he slurred, the voices coming out thicker “please… come back. I should… take care of you.”

 Kyungsoo smiled a little at the statement, as he made his way back and started wiping Kai’s face. His hands lingered, searing into Kai’s skin, reminding him that what he was doing was wrong. When Kyungsoo’s fingers reached his lips he froze, watching the man bend down a little, the pad of his finger pressing down on the muscle. Kai turned his face away, shivering as the cold lips landed onto his jaw, not missing the flash of hurt and pain in Kyungsoo’s eyes.

 

He couldn’t. He had to hold on for a little longer. He closed his eyes, the minute space between them feeling like oceans.

 

* * *

 

 

The lights flashed a brilliant pink that slowly edged onto a violent, syncing with the beats. Taemin was nowhere to be found. Somewhere along the night he had picked up a… friend. One who was currently sitting on his lap, her red dress doing little to cover the rest of her pretty body. She had made him laugh too, earlier in the night when he was considerably more sober. Her tongue found its way to the shell of his ear, an appreciative sound slipping as she bit into it.

“So when are you going to take me home?”

He thought about it. His landlord had finally thrown him out, and Kai had moved without complain. He could always find a new place anytime he wanted. Taemin would be okay with taking the couch for the night, he supposed. But his best friend had vanished at the beginning of the night. That left-

“I have a husband.”

The girl paused, looking into his eyes shrewdly, “Then why are you here?”

“Because he isn’t my husband.” He replied, giggling a little at the prospect. The girl seemed satisfied with the less than vague explanation as she pulled him out of the club. What Kyungsoo didn’t know would hurt him anyway.

 

They fell back on to the couch with a noisy thud that immediately had Kai hushing. The girl giggled. “What?”

“You’ve got to be quiet.” He muttered, mouthing at the front of her blouse, the wet patch growing considerable bigger. She arched into him appreciatively. Her leg snagged on the coffee table, making the little ceramic piece topple with a loud clack.

Kai froze, listening to the tell-tale sounds of Kyungsoo waking up. The girl seemed to grow restless under him, already making him regret the whole damned set-up. He went back to work on her breasts, when the distinct sounds of Kyungsoo’s walking stick reached him.

“Fuck.”

The girl looked up questioningly. Kai held up a finger to his lips, eyes trained on the door as Kyungsoo groggily walked through it. The shorter man’s eyes looked baggy and tired, his hair smushed up to one side like he’d fallen asleep waiting for his husband.

“Nini? Is that you?” _Nini._ The name sounded soft falling from Kyungsoo’s mouth. Somehow he knew it would sound better paired with a peal of laughter. The jealousy reared its head again.

 Kyungsoo walked gingerly into the room, his walking stick softly tapping against the floor. Kai looked down at the girl who seemed endlessly amused by the scene. Kyungsoo bumped into the counter-top with a short gasp. The girl let out a giggle. Kai clamped his hand over her mouth uncaring as she squirmed beneath him. Kyungsoo had turned shock still, the misery in his face palpable. His eyes darted unseeingly over the room before he turned and walked away, head hung low.

Suddenly everything seemed redundant. The half-naked girl beneath him, the light pounding of his head. Nothing mattered more than Kyungsoo right then. He sat there unmoving while the girl dressed herself. His disinterest must have been apparent.

The house was quiet as he walked into the kitchen to look at the pictures glimmering on the mantelpiece. They looked nothing alike, Kai realized. The similarities were superficial. Jongin was like the sun, radiant and glowing. Kai was the thawed moon, raw and cold. “I’m sorry” he whispered to the smiling man in the picture. He wondered if Jongin could hear him.

 

The door to Kyungsoo’s room was ajar. Kai had tossed and turned for hours, missing the warmth he didn’t know he needed. Kyungsoo was curled up under the duvet, the lampshade illuminating his face. His eyes were partially closed, his face pressed against what Kai recognized as one of Jongin’s shirts that Kai never dared to touch. Maybe the light was glistening off of the dried up tears, Kai would never know. He sat there by the bedpost, Kyungsoo quiet breathing lulling him to sleep.

 

Kai woke up to the sound of something shattering. He was still lying on the floor; the crinks in his neck could attest to that. He walked towards the kitchen, wiping the crumbles of rheum from the corners of his eyes.

Kyungsoo was sitting on the floor, his walking stick carelessly discharged on the side. Shards of broken ceramic lay on the floor, as Kyungsoo felt around for them, his palms red and gritty.

“Kyungsoo?” Kai looked around in confusion. “What are you doing?”

Kyungsoo looked around blindly trying to locate the source of noise, before pulling the pieces towards him, hastier this time. Kai grabbed his hands, trying to make him stop. Kyungsoo looked at him, unshed tears glistening in his brown eyes.

“Please, please Jongin. Let me clean this up.” He begged, blinking wildly as the tears began to fall. “I’ll try to be better, Jongin. Please…” his voice cracked, the wild exterior crumbled as a sob racked through him.

“I feel so helpless.”

 _He knew._ Kai realized with a pang. _I’ll try to be better._ Kyungsoo knew what had happened last night. There was nothing he wanted more than to put Kyungsoo out of his misery. They had never asked for this. Wordlessly, he took Kyungsoo out of the kitchen before washing his hands and slathering on some cream that Kai knew wouldn’t work. He tugged Kyungsoo up to his chest, virtually shielding the smaller man’s body with his. They remained like that for a long time. Kai didn’t know when the lines had started blurring.


	2. The second phase

The house grew quieter and quieter each day, and Kyungsoo with it. Kai watched as the man distanced himself from everything, draining the life out of everything. Kai knew he had fucked up. The realization dawning on him as he treasured the fleeting touches, none of which Kyungsoo initiated on his own. He knew the man missed his husband by the way Kyungsoo would card his hands through Kai’s hair when he thought he was asleep. Or by the way he traced the frames lining the kitchen. The ones that spoke of happier times.

 

“It’s been ten minutes, why aren’t they browning?” Kai stirred the mushrooms and garlic around.

“It’s been five.” Kyungsoo corrected quietly.

Kai had taken to the kitchen when the constant takeout had gotten tiring. Paired with Kyungsoo’s brisk instructions, he had managed to plow through three meals a day. The shorter man was a great cook, Kai could tell from his precise directions. At first, Kyungsoo had been wary, cautious even, flinching when their arms brushed, the frown above his brow deep seated. Kai was almost sure that Kyungsoo had seen right through him. He waited for the explosion that never seemed to come.

“It says 120 mils yogurt…” Kai trailed off not wanting to sound ignorant.

Kyungsoo sighed, standing up and walking towards the counter. He fumbled around for the measuring cup and ran his fingers around it. “Its here.” He took Kai hand, and placed it on the tiny indentation. “And keep stirring the pot.”

Kai reached around him, his breaths falling on Kyungsoo’s neck. Kyungsoo stiffened, turning to leave back to his chair near the table. “Don’t forget the salt like last time.” He added shortly.

“Yes master.” Kai chanted, obediently, not missing the slight smile on Kyungsoo’s lips when he did. Some things would always be worth it.

 

 

Kyungsoo’s first scan for his surgery was lined up on a Sunday, and Kai could see the other visibly tense up at the mere mention of it. Kyungsoo fidgeted through the entire journey, answering Kai’s questions in a word or two which he was beginning to understand that it was something Kyungsoo did when he was nervous.

 

“Open your eyes as wide as you can.” The nurse gently tilted the torch to Kyungsoo’s eyes.

Kyungsoo obeyed instantly, his eyes sparkling from the light. Kai wanted to reach out and close the tiny space that Kyungsoo had put between them.

“Everything looks good. Doctor Kim will be with you in a minute.”

Kai fought back a snort. Junmyeon had checked on him last night to make sure he wouldn’t miss Kyungsoo’s checkup, subtly threatening to skin him alive if he didn’t.

Kyungsoo shivered as the door closed behind the nurse.

“You alright?” Kai asked. The itch to touch was back.

Kyungsoo hummed softly. “Just nervous.”

“For what? This is what you want, right?” getting Kyungsoo’s sight back had always been part of the plan.

Kyungsoo thought for a moment. “I’m not sure anymore… Maybe this is just how it’s meant to be.” He shrugged sadly. “The success rates are low too. One in a ten.”

“Who told you that?”

He sighed. “YouTube.”

Kai reached out and laced his fingers with Kyungsoo’s. The man froze for a moment before easing up to it, must like the first time Kai had ever touched him. “Would you… be okay with it?”

Kai knew what he was asking and for the first time, he didn’t have to think. Some things were for Kyungsoo to decide. It didn’t matter if Kai had to be with him for the rest of his journey, all as long as Kyungsoo was happy.

“Of course.”

Kyungsoo’s lips curved up into a small smile. Kai was goner. For a man who would probably never lay eyes on him. For a man who’d never be his. He pressed his fingers into Kyungsoo, a semblance of normalcy.

“Ah Kyungsoo. Jongin.”

Kai turned to find Junmyeon eyeing their linked hands pointedly. Kai rolled his eyes.

“Doctor Kim.” Kyungsoo bowed to the door. Junmyeon chuckled lightly before sitting down in his chair. He was beginning to grey a little, Kai noted.

“How are you feeling, Kyungsoo?”

“Good… I’m getting used to it.” He gestured in the general direction of his eyes.

Junmyeon picked up his pen and started to take notes. “That happens eventually. How are you holding up Jongin?”

Well, curse Junmyeon for trying to be civil. Kyungsoo squeezed his hand gently. “I’m good. Good.”

Junmyeon hummed quietly. “We’ll get those scans done now. I’d like to talk to you alone after that, Jongin.” Kai groaned inwardly. It looked like his brother wasn’t going to let him off the hook.

 

“You’re getting attached.” Even as a statement, Junmyeon sounded unsure. Kai snorted.

Junmyeon scribbled some more while talking, “You held him throughout the scan Kai. What’s got you playing husband all of a sudden?”

Kai didn’t have an answer to that.

“You like him.” Junmyeon sounded shocked.

“You’re the one who got me into this mess in the first place.” Kai snapped. He wasn’t going to bother denying it, there was no longer a point to anything. He watched as Junmyeon’s face fell. His brother sighed quietly. “You know that it won’t... it can’t-“

Kai didn’t let him complete the sentence. “I know.”

Junmyeon held out a file. “His vitals are normal. The surgery can be rescheduled a few weeks earlier. I’ll let the Dohs know that too.” Kai stood up to leave.

“And Kai?”

His brother looked older, his eyes tired. “Don’t get hurt.” He smiled softly.

 

* * *

 

 

Kai pulled out a chair for Kyungsoo, helping him into it and leaning his crutches against the wall. He’d called Chanyeol the previous night to ask for places where Kyungsoo liked to eat. They’d ended up at a cozy Thai Bistro at the far end of the local mall. Kyungsoo’s face had lit up as he’d inhaled the savory smells wafting from the place.

“What are you having?” Kai sounded a little breathless to his own ears. He’d never seen Kyungsoo this happy, the man’s face breaking into the prettiest smile as Kai read the menu out to him.

“The chicken and coconut soup.” He said without hesitation, his nose crinkling upwards. Kai stared at him in wonder. Was this a glimpse of the Kyungsoo Jongin had known? “You should get the lemon grass chicken with that peanut sauce. Chanyeol was raving about it before the…” _Before the accident._ Kai wound his fingers around Kyungsoo’s, tugging a little on each finger, beaming a little when Kyungsoo’s smile grew wider.

They stayed like that throughout the meal, knees knocking, legs wound around each other. Evidently, Kai was the sap he hadn’t pegged himself to be.

 

“-it’s a few blocks away from the hospital. They even have a nursery.” Kyungsoo had been telling him about a school for blind children within the city, his arm looped around Kai’s who was now swinging the crutches around.

“Careful with that, Nini.” He chided softly. Kai’s heart jumped a little at the nickname. Maybe he was a little bit in love with the way it fell from Kyungsoo’s mouth, or the way it sounded to his own ears. Maybe he was a little bit in love with Kyungsoo himself.

“Kai!”

He froze for a moment. It was two of Taemin’s cronies from the bars they used to frequent. One of them looked piss drunk, the smell making Kai retch inwardly.

He smiled politely, maybe there was still a way to get out of the incoming mess. The man who looked steadier on his feet; Ilsung or something, walked towards them, his eyes glinting heinously as they landed on Kyungsoo and how he was holding onto Kai.

“Long time man,” He stretched out a hand, eyes never leaving Kyungsoo. “Taemin said you had gotten a job.”

Kai stepped pointedly in front of Kyungsoo, effectively shielding him.

“Who is it, Jongin?” Kyungsoo leaned forward, his wide eyes fixed somewhere above Ilsung’s shoulder.

Ilsung squinted down at Kyungsoo, the realization dawning in his eyes. His roaring laughter rang in Kai’s ears.

“Jongin. Oh Jongin,” he crooned “Taemin didn’t tell me your job was to fuck some blind wh-“

He never got the words out. All Kai remembered was the furious rush as he punched the man, the crunching sound of his nose breaking satisfying under his fist. He remember Kyungsoo’s hands touching him, telling him to stop. He remembered Kyungsoo apologizing to the man, bowing down lowly as the man stared at him, incredulously. He remembered Kyungsoo holding him close, like he was scared Kai would break apart if he let go.

 

“Here.” He pushed the uncapped disinfectant toward Kyungsoo, watching him fumble with the cotton swab before taking it from him and dousing it with the brown liquid. Kyungsoo dabbed Kai’s busted knuckles gently before-

“Say it. I know you want to say something.” Kai said, trying not to hiss as the swab passed over a wound.

Kyungsoo sighed. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“So what? I should’ve just let them talk trash about you?” he snapped.

“This won’t be the last time something like this will happen, Nini. You can’t go punching people every time… there are some things we just have to learn to live with.” He sounded sad, but with a steely determination that was so uniquely Kyungsoo. Kai gently angled his face so that Kyungsoo eyes were know looking into his.

He traced his fingers across the softer planes of the other’s face, the lines at the edge of his eyes, the moles on his chin and above his lip. He leaned in and kissed Kyungsoo. Slowly and softly. Kai realized that he had no idea how Kyungsoo liked to be kissed. That he had no clue what he was doing at that moment. The lapse in control was truly the most beautiful thing he had every felt.

 

* * *

 

 

Kai took Kyungsoo to the blind school a week later, when the weather had thawed, but there was still a slight chill in the air. He watched as Kyungsoo played with the kids, radiant as the sun. He told the kids how Jongin was baby crazy when they were in college, babysitting in two neighborhoods at that time. How Jongin used to bite his nails when he was worried, humming while he did so. Kai had grinned at that, wiggling his own raw bitten nails.

Mostly he just listened to Kyungsoo. The stories of how they had adopted their dogs, the story of how they’d gotten married. Jongin and Kyungsoo. Kai felt a sheer jealousy towards Jongin. How the man had experienced everything that Kai could only dream of. He wondered how it would be to be given a chance to love the man, freely. Wildly.

 

“You’ve been quiet today.” Kyungsoo mumbled into his mouth. Kai kissed him again in reply. It was nearing sunset and Kyungsoo had insisted on going up to the terrace. Kai had readily indulged him, unable to say no.

“Did you like today? The kids?” Kyungsoo sounded a little hesitant.

“You worry too much.” He mumbled, pulling Kyungsoo closer to him. They lapsed into another easy silence, the breeze chilly and cold, until-

“Ah it’s happening.” Kai laughed a little at his own enthusiasm.

Kyungsoo sat up. “How does it look?”

Kai looked at him. The sunset reflected in Kyungsoo’s eyes, turning the rich browns into hued oranges and gold with flecks of mauve. He was beautiful. And just like that Kai was in love. With Kyungsoo’s steady flame, leaping and burning.

“It’s beautiful.” He murmured to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. The colors whirled. “I meant the sunset, you sap.”

“Not as beautiful as you.” Kai laughed, scooping the smaller man into his arms. He was taking Kyungsoo home.

 

 He kissed Kyungsoo, pressing him against the door, wild and fiery until Kyungsoo had mouthed something about the bedroom that sounded far more enticing.

“Jongin-a,” he gasped “we can slow down?”

He couldn’t. He wasn’t Jongin. To have Kyungsoo call him by his name seemed so irrational, Kai would take what he got. “Been waiting for so long” he rasped, his mouth trailing fire over Kyungsoo’s skin, only letting it go to draw gasping breaths.

Kai picked Kyungsoo up until he was straddling him, moving to rid them both of clothes. Only when Kyungsoo touched his cheek did he realize that he had been staring. He’d never seen the man in front of him naked. Kyungsoo was beautiful. His body was covered in constellations of little black moles scattered from his neck to the small of his back. Kai wanted to worship him, wanted Kyungsoo to see how much he meant to him. He gently shifted Kyungsoo’s face, so that the he was looking at Kai. Kai could see the night sky reflected in the orbs. His whole little world.

Kyungsoo sighed quietly, his thumb pressing against his eyelids “I wish I could…see you.”

Kai kissed him softly, before pulling away and getting off the bed. He rummaged in the closet until he’d found what he had been looking for. He knelt next to Kyungsoo, handing him the soft chiffon fabric.

“Tie it around my eyes.”

He watched as Kyungsoo trembled, his fingers shaking as he tied the scarf messily around his eyes… Then he saw nothing, and in the darkness, everything. And in everything, there was Kyungsoo. He sat up slowly, reaching out into the blackness seeking the warmth that was his lover. He felt the wetness on Kyungsoo’s cheek, leaning down to kiss them away.

“Hey,” he murmured against the skin, “why are you crying?”

 Kai felt Kyungsoo shake his head. He wasn’t Jongin, he never would be. Although there was one thing he was sure of.

“I love you so much, Kyungsoo.” He said to the darkness and it loved him so.

 

As they lay spent, with Kyungsoo nestled in his arms, Kai knew what he wanted. To love the man before he had to let him go.

 

“So the surgery is a happening a week after next?” Chanyeol blew on the spiced tea he was drinking. “How are you holding up?”

Kai laughed dryly “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Kyungsoo’s doing great, thanks for asking.”

Chanyeol snorted. “You look great by the way. Your roots are starting to show.” He pointed at Kai’s hair.

“Yea… I was thinking of going back to black once all this is over.”

“Can I make an astute observation?” Without waiting for Kai’s nod, Chanyeol continued, “You like him.”

“I do.” There was no point denying it any longer.

“What happens when he leaves?”

“I will meet him again. Someday. Somewhere.”

“Fate.” Chanyeol sounded skeptical.

Kai laughed. “Two people who look alike fell in love with the same man… What are the odds?” Chanyeol’s answering smile was infectious.

 

* * *

 

 

He called out to Kyungsoo went he reached home, frowning when he got no answer. He walked into the living room to find him on the couch, motionless like he was made of stone.

“Kyungsoo…?”

He turned, sightless eyes fixated on Kai, “Who’s Taemin?”

Kai froze, the blood rushing into his ears. His mouth felt glutinous.

“He’s a… friend.”

“Who is Kai, then?”

It was like his head was exploding, the only sounds he could hear was static, whirring like it was deep seated in his brain.

“You were never him…” Kyungsoo sounded broken, the despair in his voice tangible even through his stony exterior.

“Kyungsoo” His voice cracked pathetically.

“Leave.” The word rang through the house.

“Please Kyungsoo-“the tears in his eyes felt foreign. They dripped down, wet and salty as he watched Kyungsoo crumple into the couch, devoid of any emotion. Maybe Kyungsoo had already known that Kai was a superficial replica of his husband, a shell that would never compare to him.

Kai wanted to say that he’d never intended to hurt him; that it was the last thing he wanted to do. That he loved him so much more than himself. “I can-“

The façade broke. “Get out” Kyungsoo snarled, his eyes wild and furious, rimmed red like he couldn’t hold on much longer.

Kai’s feet felt like lead as he dragged himself away, Kyungsoo’s quiet sobs the only thing anchoring him. There was nowhere to go. Nothing was worth this. Not the money. Not the look in Kyungsoo’s eyes. Nothing.


	3. The final phase

“Its 12:30 son. You can take your break. Go have lunch.”

Kai looked at the clock and shook his head, reassuring the aged woman from the students section that he was fine. He wasn’t hungry anyway. He went back to work, waiting for the familiar tapping of a probing stick to reach his ears.

It was 12:55 when he finally heard it; the sigh of relief immediate. He was never late. Kai watched as the man neared the counter, his footsteps becoming surer each day.

“Here’s the application you’d asked for,” The man’s voice was mellifluous and deep. “I added the signatures too.” He said, a polite smile playing on his lips.

“End section, Kyungsoo.” The woman at the desk replied, nodding at Kai. Kyungsoo walked towards the end section, tapping thrice before he stopped in front of Kai. He held out a file, his fingers gently brushing against Kai for the briefest of moments, before bowing and walking out of the office.

Kai watched him go. It had a month since Kyungsoo had told him to leave that night. He had gone straight to Taemin’s, drinking himself senseless for two days until Taemin had gotten fed up and brought Chanyeol home.

Chanyeol had been short and succinct. Kyungsoo had called the hospital asking for a pre-operative class for him and Jongin. The confusion that had followed was inevitable. The Doh’s had relented, Junmyeon had been in tears. Kyungsoo had been quiet through it all. He’d enrolled himself in a school for the blind a week later, a few miles from the city.

Kai had caved, the desperation getting the better of him as he stood in front of the huge white building the next morning. There was a sign calling for accountants with a basic background in financing. Kai had applied without a second thought, fully aware that he had no experience to back him up. The only person who mattered was inside, and Kai needed him like air.

The job was… tough. The normalcy of working a daily job was completely new to him. The only perk in his days were seeing Kyungsoo in the hallways, watching his slim fingers move over the embossed paper while he read. In the beginning, all Kai wanted to do was hold Kyungsoo and keep him from falling, but slowly and surely he watched as Kyungsoo grew, his steps quick and methodic. He no longer needed anyone to make sure he was alright. The only time Kai doubted this was when he saw the brief flashes of pain in Kyungsoo’s eyes when someone asked him about his family.

 

A voice broke him away from his thoughts.

“Kai, did you enter Doh Kyungsoo’s information?”

Kai frowned, looking down at the file in his hands.

“He won’t be attending classes any longer.”

He knew what that meant. The time hadn’t gone that fast, had it? “He’s leaving?”

The lady hummed. “He’s getting that surgery done. Deserves it too. What a nice man.” She walked away smiling to herself.

Kai closed his eyes.

 

 

_6 months later_

 

“What is that, Seulgi?”

“It’s a bear, Kai oppa! Because Eunwoo said you look like one!” The five- year old stretched the picture out in offering. The picture had four stick figures, no doubt scribbled in by Seulgi herself.

“Who are these people, Seulgi?” He asked, amused.

“That’s Kai oppa, Kai oppa’s friend, Seulgi and Eunwoo!” Seulgi had drawn herself with two eyes closed. The Eunwoo stick figure had an eye open.

“Why is my friend a boy, Seulg?”

The little girl looked around before whispering conspiratorially, “Eunwoo said Kai oppa likes boys.” Kai chuckled. For someone with partial blindness, Eunwoo sure was observant.

Seulgi touched his arm, while the other felt around in between the embossed grids until her pointing finger was in between the space where his friend’s eyes were supposed to be.

“Does Kai oppa’s friend have eyes too?” She asked, pencil in ready to fill out the empty grid.

Kai smiled softly. “He does now, Seulg.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kai smoothened his shirt, more out of habit than to smooth any wrinkles. Chanyeol was late. He hadn’t seen the man in more than three months, but Chanyeol had insisted on this one. He was the unexpected but welcome addition to Kai’s small circle. The man never spoke about Kyungsoo, and for that Kai was grateful. Seeing Chanyeol in front of him indirectly meant that Kyungsoo was happy and well somewhere, and for that Kai was grateful.

“Came from the blind school?” Kai looked up to see the taller man sit down, his signature grin already in place.

Kai laughed, “How did you know?”

“You’ve got pencil smears right here.” He gestured to Kai’s jaw. “How’s Taemin?”

“Thriving.” Kai snorted. The part of the Doh’s money that hadn’t gone to the blind school, had gone to Taemin. What he did with it, Kai was happier to not know.

“Yea, I saw him by the station the other day. Hard to miss with that atrocious hair of his.”

Kai ran a hand through his own hair, picturing Taemin’s cotton candy hair flailing around. Chanyeol nodded, “You look good with black hair… kind of like Jongin.”

Kai tried not to flinch under Chanyeol’s shrewd gaze.

“You still love him.” It was a question. Kai swiveled around it.

“Is he… doing well?” A part of him wanted to hear an answer even though he already knew it.

“Kyungsoo? He’s doing great,” Chanyeol nodded enthusiastically. “He’s teaching world economics at the SNS.”

“Ah, It must have gotten easier after the surgery.”

“Kai,” Chanyeol looked confused, “Kyungsoo never got the surgery done…”

He sat up straighter, trying to ignore the bubbling in his chest, “He never did?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “He teaches at the National School for the Blind, Kai. Moved out of that apartment all on his own. Trained Meokmul to be guide dog and all.” He sounded like a proud father.

Kai’s chest unclenched a little, “As long as he’s happy.”

“Are you?”

He tried to nod. Chanyeol smiled “You’re both alike, you and Jongin. He wore his heart on his sleeve as well. Proud and unashamed.” He punched Kai lightly on his arm. “It was fate, like you said. What were the odds?”

 

* * *

 

 

The phone rang once, twice. It’s sound shrill and piercing. It was too early to be woken up this way. Kai squinted at the caller ID. Chanyeol.

“Hi man.” He mumbled groggily

“Hi.” Chanyeol sounded breathless and very much awake, “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing? I’ve some work, but nothing too much.” He said slowly, trying to figure out what Chanyeol was up to.

“You want to grab dinner with me?”

 

The place Chanyeol had picked was this retro chic restaurant close to the neighborhood where Kai lived.  He smoothed the pocket square peeing out of his jacket, the one with bears on it that Seulgi insisted he wore. The interiors of the place was black, white and gold, tiny glittering candles dropping above every cubicle. The woman sitting below the Elvis head ushered him to a table. As they drew closer, Kai felt his heart drop a notch.

The man sitting at the table was almost achingly familiar. Freshly shorn head, thick bushy eyebrows and beautiful wide eyes that took some of that commanding severity away. He looked up as Kai approached, his sightless eyes finding his face with a practiced precision.

Kai sat down mechanically into the chair opposite Kyungsoo, his eyes never once leaving the man in front of him. Kyungsoo bowed amiably to the lady as she left them, before setting aside the braille menu in his hand.

He was tanned, not as much as Kai was, but still like his skin had soaked up the sun. They sat there for some time, quiet and unmoving, like they had all the time in the world. The candles glistened off of Kyungsoo’s skin, throwing shadows on it like beads. Kai felt like he could breathe.

Kyungsoo broke the silence first, his hand reaching out for Kai’s over the table.

“I’m Kyungsoo.” He said, voice mellifluous, the smile playing on his lips muted and soft.

Kai placed his hand over the other’s, not bothering to conceal how his fingers slightly shook.

“Kai. My name is Kai.”

Kyungsoo didn’t let go of his hand for a very very long time.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> 1)First, the thank you's:  
> Dear reader, if you're still here, thank you so much. You deserve all the love for bearing through this /coughs/ mess.  
> Dear mods, thank you so much for the extensions, accommodating my whiny ass, telling me I could it, and being the best wise owls the fandom has ever seen <3  
> There are people who virtually held my hand and got me through the past two days, listening to my non stop complaining and helping me through it all (including the summary because i'm useless like that-dearest fellow potato lump), thank you<3
> 
> Now, to the aforementioned complaining:  
> Lol. This fic was written in the span of two days, midway of which, my brain completely gave up. I debated a lot about making Kyungsoo go through the surgery, but in the end staying the same way won, because I can picture him being strong and braving his way through everything than picking the easier way out.  
> I've so much to say lol. I love Kaisoo okay bye
> 
> Tell me if you liked it, comments make me the happiest.  
> Happy (late) Valentines Day <3
> 
> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/potslooshi)


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